Darkness Again

Oh, hello, Darkness, old friend. I see you have decided to return. On a bright, sunny, warm day, that in days past, I would have cherished, you have decided to resurface, bringing with you clouds to follow me around. Just when I thought you had decided to leave me alone, allow me some rest and restoration, you remind me that you are not far. You remind me that you are hovering nearby, waiting for a vulnerable moment, such as an embarrassingly forgetful moment in a meeting when I’ve confused key information about two different projects. Immediately after the meeting, you come out from behind the corner and pull me into your arms.

I’m grateful, though, that you’ve stayed away for a few days. I’m grateful for having been able to sleep for a couple of nights without you forcing yourself into my dreams. I’m grateful that you’ve allowed me a few days of indifference, if not joy. I’m grateful that I’ve had a few laughs and remembered what lightness feels like.

I’m grateful that you are not as dark as you have been before. You are not as heavy as you could be. You weigh me down but not to the point where I can’t move. I’m grateful that this time I can almost see through you, which means there is an end almost in sight.

I’m grateful for the timely therapy session today and the reminder that I can refocus my thoughts. As such, I will shift my thoughts and focus on the fact that for 90% of the meeting, I presented everything I needed to correctly. I will focus on the fact that I caught my own mistake and corrected it in the moment. I will focus on the fact that no one seemed overly phased by my mistake.

I will focus on the fact that you will not stay forever. While you may return sooner than I might like, you will also eventually leave.

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